Domestic Abuse Safety Unit  |  Uned Diolgelwch Trais Teuluol

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Coercive control the victims’ version


Coercive control, yes, it is a real thing, it is just hard trying to explain it you see

Just how one person can take over your mind, your actions, your thoughts so easily


It takes time, they plan it all carefully, so you do not realise what it is they are up to

And if you try to escape it, you feel you cannot, it’s not easy, you really don’t know what to do


The state of confusion all gets too much to bear because they hold all of the strings

When you turn to people you thought you could trust, turns out they lied to them about things


They begin turning everyone against you, starting with those you hold close to your heart

But you don’t want to believe it’s what they’re doing, so you ignore all the signs from the start


After all, how can people who know all about you and so very little about them

Hear all the things they’re lying about, and be made to believe you’re in the wrong again?


They go out of their way to convince you it’s best to cancel your plans with your friends

Make you believe you shouldn’t go out, so you don’t then that’s how every social event ends


Sometimes let you go so far as to dress nice, do your make up your hair the lot

Then change things around last minute, they had plans, meant to tell you but forgot


Then when you feel let down, you hurt, and you cry they tell you to stop driving them insane

They promise to help so you can go next time, knowing full well it won’t be the same


Because the more times that happens the more bridges you burn, and you slowly start becoming a recluse

Your friends stop getting in touch, asking you to join in because they already know you will find an excuse


And you do make excuses not to go out, because it’s easier than putting on a brave face

Pretending your happy, loved by your partner, and taking part in society’s race


The race to maturity, a good job, some savings, having children and the wedding of your dreams

Time passes by so quickly, everyone else is happy, why can’t I be your inner you screams


You learn to just brave it, feel you don’t have a choice, beg your family not to tell them they’re wrong

When they see that your hurting, low and depressed, you convince them you won’t be for long


Deep down you know you can’t stop what they’re doing, and you don’t want anybody to see

How badly they treat you, command you or beat you, you think no one will understand how hard it can be


It becomes second nature to cover for them, playing it down, telling others they aren’t that bad

They plant seeds in your mind that make you question if you asked for it, if it is you making them mad


They make you feel worthless, ugly and stupid so often, you start to believe that it’s true

And when you look in the mirror and question those things your reflection no longer shows you


In place of the once confident, happy person stands a complete emotional mess

Trying so hard to bury the hurt, wipe dry the tears, face the day and get dressed.


When they feel the need to be closer to you, they build up your confidence just for that night

Enough to make you feel wanted and loved, then seduce you and make you feel all is alright


But then as soon as you start to feel comfortable and think that there may be a way forward

They push you away, suggest your too clingy and you’re making them feel awkward


They often make comments on how everything’s wrong and they wish they could just walk away

Make threats that if you didn’t step up to the plate, they would do just that one day


They are all that you know and as much as they hurt you, it’s hard to consider them gone

so you follow commands, try to make all the changes in the hope they’ll soon be happy and move on


But the more you change the more they want, they try to mould you into somebody new

Nothing in their eyes is ever good enough, they must want someone else, but who?


Then came the day that you live to dread, the day they took things way too far

Hurt you so badly they could easily have killed you and they were escorted away in a police car


You somehow stay strong when you finally admit to everything wrong that they did

Explaining the whole thing in detail it’s hard, because for so long you kept it all hid


When they are put in front of the judge, then asked if it’s guilty or not that they plead

They act as though they do want to change, they are sorry, it’s you that they need


But then the games of control really start, and you fall for more lies every day

Now they have this hold over you, you told the police, how dare you, they will make you pay


Even when they’re not even close to you, you can feel them breathing down your neck

Feel their eyes watching you, every move you make, your too scared to breathe you’re a wreck


And no matter how hard you fight it, try to remain focused to stop the controlling continue

It seems it won’t matter, they are one step ahead, as they genuinely believe that they own you


And although they can’t be there in person, to hurt you anymore in a physical way

They remain so engraved in your mind that it tortures you almost everyday


These people they never give up once they know just how to pull at your strings

You forget how to be human, how to be you… In fact, you forget most ‘normal’ things


So, when people ask the question, should this type of control be illegal, I would be the first to say yes it should be

If I could turn back the clock, I would run in the opposite direction, if only I knew, if only I could


If I take anything away from the hell I have been through, I take with me my courage and belief

That if I can talk about my story and inspire just one person to have the knowledge to see what’s beneath

So that they don’t become trapped in the pain that’s unbearable, it really isn’t worth all hurt and the strife

If you’re even a little bit unsure stand back, walk away, assess the risk and above all please live and value  your life!

Domestic Abuse Safety Unit  |  Uned Diolgelwch Trais Teuluol

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